No One Knows Your Pain
"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." —Revelation 21:4
Photo to Right: This is an actual thermal scan of my neck and back, performed in August of 2006. The black bar is off the scale due to the heat being generated by the inflammation from the constant horrible pain and ripping tension in my neck.
In March of 2004, I began to experience pain in my neck in the back of the lower neck, where the bone is located. The pain persisted. When the pain hadn't gone away after two weeks, I knew something was wrong. My neck was also VERY tense 24/7. I had NEVER experienced anything like this before.
I thought that perhaps
I had somehow strained my neck and needed a chiropractor to adjust it. I
went to see a chiropractor. He adjusted my neck,
gave me some stretching exercises to perform at home, and then used some sort of electrical probes to
involuntary activate the shoulder muscles in hopes of breaking up the tension
in my neck. Nothing helped.
Herniated Cervical Disks
I had seen a chiropractor for four months, not knowing what was causing such horrible pain. Finally, after four months of receiving no relief from my chiropractor (and continued horrible pain), I insisted on receiving help elsewhere… something was very wrong with my neck!
In May of 2004, an MRI
revealed two herniated disks in my neck. The disks between bones C5-C6-C7
were protruding into my spinal cord. Although the MRI
technician referred to my disks as “herniated,” my neuroradiologist said the technical term is “protruding” because my disks
hadn't actually ruptured "yet." The neck “splints” (tightens) itself in an
attempt to protect itself—an involuntarily response to the pain signal being generated by
the pinched spinal cord—more pain causes more tension, and more tension
cause more pain— it’s a constant cycle. The pain is unbearable at times.
Told in 2004 I'd Have to "Live With the Pain"
I met with a Neurosurgeon in July of 2004. The neurosurgeon said that I was NOT a candidate for surgery at that time because I wasn’t experiencing any “radicular pain” (i.e., pain, numbness or tingling in the arms or legs). It's similar to having a constant agonizing toothache, but in the bone area of the back of the neck. I received a steroid (cortisone) injection into the back of my neck in July of 2004; it didn’t do anything to help relieve the constant pain and tension. I was prescribed the drug Skelaxin, but it made me sick to my stomach, so I stopped taking it. It's hard to enjoy life when you suffer in constant physical pain, which causes emotional stress and mental irritability. It's no life at all.
In October of 2004, I sought relief from another doctor because the pain was afflicting me day and night. I was referred to see another neurosurgeon, whom I met with in November of 2004. Again, the neurosurgeon told me that I would just have to live with the pain because I was not a candidate for surgery at that time. I was so distraught. I was referred to see a neuroradiologist, who gave me 2 more steroid injections using a CT Scanner machine. This time the medication was injected from the sides of my neck. It was a lonely feeling lying in that machine, freezing in an air-conditioned room, with two size-24 needles being stuck in my neck, while my head was strapped down to a hard table, for over an hour. I remember my teeth chattering because the pain was so intense. I knew that God was with me, but I just didn't feel like being on earth anymore. There have been many times because of this miserable pain when I just wished my life would hurry up and I could go on to Heaven. I'm not talking about suicide, I'm just saying that when excruciating pain afflicts you 24/7... Heaven sure looks good. I testify with the Apostle Paul, Philippians 1:21, “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”
If you have never had to survive day-by-day, suffering from a severe toothache-like pain in your neck that never goes away, then you cannot fully understand. I know pain. I sought medical help, but there was none. The two steroid injections didn't even phase me. I received no relief whatsoever for my pain or tension in my neck. The second neurosurgeon which I had met in November of 2004 diagnosed me with "cervical degenerative disk disease," saying that surgery wouldn't help me anyway because I have Cervical Osteo-arthritis as well. That scared me.
The tension feels like a golfball is stuck in the
back of my neck, trying to burst out. I cannot turn my head to either side
without feeling a tight stretch like a rubber band is being pulled.
Other Relief Remedies Have Failed
After the two steroid injections failed, my doctor gave me the drug Robaxin (another muscle relaxer like Skelaxin) and prescribed a higher dose of Advil to break the tension/pain cycle. The drugs did little. I lost my appetite and felt nauseated. I used ice packs often, until they started causing frostbite. I tried wrapping the ice packs in towels to protect the skin, but they don't help. Thermal packs don't help either.
I went to another chiropractor in January of 2005, but to no avail. I bought a cervical traction unit at the recommendation of my first chiropractor for $250. It was a Pronex-2 unit. It is a piece of junk for anyone reading this. The plastic bellows that rest on your shoulders will leak in time and the unit will be worthless. Also, the unit only exerts 20 lbs. of traction at the most... not enough to make a difference. I used the Pronex-2 for a few months until it broke and I just threw it away. I received NO relief whatsoever from the Pronex-2 unit.
Next, in late February of 2005, I went to a physical therapist. I was
placed on a horizontal Cervical Traction Machine. This time I went up to 50 lbs.
of traction. The first neurosurgeon I saw told me that cervical traction
wouldn't help me because of where my nerve was being pinched. Since the
disk was protruding from the side (horizontally) into my spinal cord, he said that pulling
the head upward (vertically) would not alleviate my pain. I went ahead with the
cervical traction anyway, in desperation, at the recommendation of my
chiropractor. It didn't offer any relief. The neurosurgeon was
correct. There's a
couple different kinds of traction units. I don't like the overhead
vertical rope style because you're not relaxed during the traction. In the
horizontal unit, you lay down during the traction. It is much better in
my opinion. Howbeit, I stopped cervical traction several months later because it wasn't offering any relief. I
was still suffering from constant pain and tension in my neck.
The Agonizing Pain and Ripping Tension
I am experiencing constant pain and tension. I suffer from constant toothache-like pain in the bone area of the back of my neck. My doctor had prescribed Flexeril, which makes made sleepy more than anything. My doctor also prescribed Percodan 10/325 because the pain was so bad, but the medication made me sick, so my doctor switched me over to Percocet 5/325 instead (which agreed with my system). The pain has been unbearable at times. I was taking 400-800 mg. of Advil every 6 hours per my neurosurgeon, but it made me sick to my stomach and didn't help much. For a while the Percocet wasn't available in my area, so my doctor prescribed hydrocodone/acetaminophen 10/325 pain killers (Vicodin). I am now taking Percocet 10/325, which works well for me. My doctor prescribed me Oxycontin, but it made me feel really depressed. I was also prescribed Gabapentin due to pain and numbness in my right arm, which doesn't seem to help much. There's been lawsuits against the manufacturer of Gabapentin claiming it doesn't work. It just seems to make me sleepy, as does the other medications.
Perhaps you're wondering why I'm sharing me medical information with others? It's only because I want to encourage other people who are suffering in constant pain like me—you're not alone my friend. I have received numerous thank you letters from people, who are suffering horribly in pain, thanking me for caring and expressing my compassion for the suffering of others. We are brothers and sisters in pain.
I have to be careful not to take too much oxycodone because it can be addictive, as evidenced in the untimely death of Batman actor Heath Ledger in January of 2008. Rush Limbaugh also became addicted to Vicodin and Oxycontin for a time. Sometimes you have to suffer in pain until enough time has passed to take more medication. It's certainly no way to live. Hydrocodone/Oxycodone causes a euphoria affect similar to heroine. I never take more than my doctor prescribes.
I don't drink alcoholic beverages as a Christian, so for awhile I used Nyquil to help me sleep at night. Later, I tried Ativan and then Ambien. The Ambien seems to work best for me. Although I am generally skeptical of taking any prescription medications, I have found some of them to be necessary, such as the Percocet. It is the only relief available for my pain.
I've taken both Vicodin 10/325 and Percocet 10/325 at different times to relieve pain. I learned the hard way to NEVER take Vicodin and Percocet within 24-hours of each other! I took them only 4-hours apart and it made me sick for over a week. I puked my guts out 5-times and experienced flu-like symptoms for several days afterwards. I even called the hospital because my neck pain became so bad. My stomach muscles were hurting for days due to the vomiting. It's no fun when stomach acid is spewing out your nose while vomiting at 4:30 a.m. I told my doctor what had happened.
I wrote this article because I know that there are a lot of people in this world suffering from pain just like me, and I do know what you're going through (although our circumstances may be different). I am familiar with gnawing, agonizing, debilitating, excruciating pain that just WON'T go away. No matter which way I twist and turn my neck to alleviate the horrible pain, it just doesn't go away. I can't sleep well at night. I can't carry on a normal conversation without having to excuse myself due to the tension and pain in my neck. Everything irritates me. I have little patience. I have little energy.
It's frustrating to me that men can put a robot on Mars, harness nuclear energy, invent jets that fly 10-times faster than the speed of sound, predict a lunar eclipse 100 years from now to the minute; BUT they can't make one's pain go away. Go figure!
For awhile I saw a pain specialist, who put me on Methadone (HCL 5MG 8 times per day). The Methadone was like drinking a cup of bleach. My eyes, throat and chest were burning. I had to stop taking it and go back to the Percocet. The muscle tension in my neck is constant. I continually experience pain radiating into my gums, nose, face, and eyes. I often turn out the lights because the nerve endings in my eye are so sensitive, because of the pain radiating from my neck. That's why my website is so dark—because it's easier on my eyes.
Although suffering, I rejoice in the precious promise of Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Even so, come, Lord Jesus!
No One Knows Your Pain
I once worked with an elderly man named Bob who suffered horribly in pain. He had fallen off a ladder at work years earlier. He needed to have three 5" titanium pins inserted into his hip. Five years after the accident, he still waddled like a duck at work because his pain was so bad. He would sometimes stop walking and just stand still for a moment because his pain was so bad. Bob saw me in the lunch room one day while I was holding an ice pack on my neck. I mentioned to him that someone had commented to me that I "looked worn out." I told Bob that people just don't understand what pain does to a person. Bob looked at me and said, "No one knows your pain." That meant a lot to me coming from a guy who lives in worse pain than I do. So I say to you friend if you're suffering in constant pain, "No one knows your pain." You are in a unique group of people who are all suffering from their own individual pains that no one else can understand; but we all share the common denominator of pain, and understand each other's hurt and loneliness. The Lord Jesus Christ is also in our group, "He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not" (Isaiah 53:3).
One Day at a Time
So, I suffer with the pain. I look forward to that day when I won't have to live with pain anymore. From time-to-time people ask me why I made my website so dark. The reason is because the pain from my neck radiates into the facial area, affecting my eyes. Bright lights aggravates the nerves, so I prefer the darker background.
I sure wish everyone could know the Lord Jesus Christ, and they could, if they'd only come to Christ for forgiveness. My joy each day is in knowing that my name is written in Heaven in the Lamb's Book of life. I'm not happy in my pain, but my heart rejoices that this pain will only endure for a season. This too shall pass. I am committed to spending the remaining years of my life fighting the Devil, exposing sin and evil, guiding the confused, helping the unfortunate, comforting the weary, and preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ to as many lost sinners as I can. By God's grace and with the help of the Holy Spirit, I will do just that. I am a nobody without the Lord Jesus Christ and He means everything to me.
I'd like to thank my God and Savior, Jesus Christ. Just knowing that He
has promised in Hebrews 13:5 NEVER to leave me nor forsake me, helps keep me going
each day. Please pray for me.
Surgery . . . “God saw me through!”
Psalm 23:4, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me.”
I underwent cervical discectomy and spinal fusion surgery in July of 2009. I received a titanium plate in my neck and a peek device. The surgery was minimally invasive and performed through the front of my neck.
The last thing I remember before my surgery were tears flowing down the side of my head. The first and only thing I remember when I came out of anesthesia 10 hours later were the words I spoke out loud, “God saw me through.” I didn't plan to say any words, but that's the first words that came to my mind, and I said it once again in a louder and clearer voice, “God saw me through.” And He certainly did.
As far as the surgery, I am still
suffering in horrible neck pain. It's like I didn't even get surgery. I
still have agonizing neck pain 24/7. The surgeon said only time will
determine the final results. Although I do have a bit of discomfort in my
throat, I don't have any difficulty swallowing food, nor do
I notice much lost range of motion, thankfully. My voice is fine and the
incision pain is gone. However, my neck is completely numb where the nerves
were cut from the incision up to my chin.
Most Recent Update
I finally had neck surgery in July of 2009. Unfortunately I've had ZERO improvement as far as pain relief and tension in my neck. I'm taking 6 Percocet 10/325's and 180 mg of Morphine per day to cope with the horrible neck pain, which feels worse than the worst toothache I've ever had. The pain and tension are horrible. The pain radiates from where the bone is located in back of my neck. I take 350 mg of Soma twice per day to break up the severe muscle tension in my neck, but the Soma doesn't do much except make me sleepy. Howbeit, even the slightest relief from the pain and tension is welcomed. I take 10 mg of Ambien to sleep at night, but toss and turn, waking up every hour-on-the-hour drenched with sweat. I generally don't sleep well.
I have pain in my right arm 24/7, which sometimes is so bad that I hold my right arm with my left and have to stop what I'm doing. My right arm goes numb after a few minutes on the phone. I have intermittent pain in my right leg and toe, especially when I wake up in the mornings. I know that many people have it worse than me. I'm not complaining, nor seeking sympathy. I do ask for your earnest prayers. I hope that those of you who desire to e-mail me will understand why I have to sometimes just walk away and stop my e-mail. I do what I have to do to survive with this pain. I don't expect everybody to understand, but I ask for your patience, please.
My doctor recently tapped my knee to check my reflexes and my leg jolted forward, more than normal. Both legs do this. My doctor said it is a sign that my spinal cord is being compressed. One day at a time. My neck feels like it's ready to burst all the time. I'm suffering in so much pain, even with the medications. I only share my condition with others to encourage those suffering, because most people don't understand what it's like to live in agonizing pain all the time, I do.
My faith in God is strong and only by His grace have I made it this far and will continue to do so. As the writer of the song Amazing Grace states, “ 'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.” Even so, come Lord Jesus.
I love you all in the Lord, whoever you may be.
